it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize