I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
