when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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