how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
