I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
