Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Someone came in the potted fern
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
