Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize