My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
