found the other keg... it's in the tree
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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