I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
