I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
