I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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