How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
