Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Blood and glitter go together right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
