Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
