Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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