i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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