I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
