I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
