Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
