Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
