He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
