mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The air taste purple.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
