Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
