Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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