erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
