You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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