Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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