508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
