Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
