I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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