Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
