No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
