I CAN MOONWALK!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She has the best kind of daddy issues
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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