I'm really into asian looking animals
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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