I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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