it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
