NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize