Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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