Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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