Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
