She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
