Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
