Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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