It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
