and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
