is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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