so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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