And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
