If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
