I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
