opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize