We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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