Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Randomize
