I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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