Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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