he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
