everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
