my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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