and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
