That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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