I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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