NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
