Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize